The End of 2011

When reaching the end of the year, people usually reflect on the past and look forward and create resolutions for their future.  As I look back, I remember several deaths, sicknesses, acts of God, political upheaval (RECALL WALKER), not to mention the list in my personal life.  Our world is falling apart.  No, I'm not an alarmist.  I am merely watching our world collapse from the inside out.  The structure on which our country was founded is no longer active (in a perfect world, it would be ideal... but it is no longer practical with millions of people) and our leadership is corrupt and destroying our alliance with the one country that is important... Israel.

Before I get into doomsaying, there is one thing of which I am absolutely certain: our world will not get better.  It is the end, so prepare yourself.  I guess that would be considered doomsaying; but it is true.  Our country has made some decisions that are now irreversible.  Our economy is failing and is in such a death-spiral that it is not recoverable.  The choices all of us ("we the people") are making in leadership and living are corrupting everything, from sickness to general life.  We are not going to be the richest, most prosperous "free" country in the world for much longer.


My Precious Gifts

But, to look ahead in the next year (and future years to come)... for me, I see my family.  I see two precious little boys who are growing up so fast.  They need structure and strong teaching to mold their minds and hearts to be courageous in the times to come.  I want my boys to be men who lead and stand for Truth and righteous living.  My role, as their mother, is so important because they see me everyday, all day.  They listen and watch.  I am their model for life and attitudes.  Their father is just as important, but he isn't present all day long. 

I am going to teach my sons how to respect and love their wives and lead their families to serve God.  I am going to show my sons strong work ethic and teach them how to be diligent in whatever task they have set before them.  I am going to encourage my sons to see the weaker person and find the compassion to help in whatever way they can, to not neglect the widow and the orphan.  I am going to teach my sons to stand strong for what is right, even if it is not the popular choice and they lose friends in the process.

Mothers have such an important role.  Where else will they learn everything they need to know for their own lives: school, daycare, babysitters?  I don't think so.  No one cares for your children like you do.  Take the time and effort to train your children in the way that desperately needs to be done, especially in these scary times of uncertainty and nearing the end of the age.

Until next time, hold your children tight and teach them what only you are able to teach.  Teaching them to be responsible, loving, respectful adults... and that Mom loves them the most!

Candle #8

                                               

Our last candle.  My son said that he loves watching all the candles and he wishes we could keep lighting our Hanukkah candles all year long.

As is so appropriate, when drawing our year to a close or looking forward to any new thing, we have hope.  The last candle represents "A New Beginning."  There is new life in Christ.  Your past no longer matters if you have trusted Jesus as your Savior.  You are free to look ahead.

"Therefore, if any man is in Christ,

he is a new creature;

the old things passed away;

behold, new things have come."

2 Corinthians 5:17

Candle #7

Hanukkah is drawing to a close.  This evening, we lit seven candles (not including the Shamesh), the seventh representing "Completion and Rest," which naturally follows "Creation".

If you recall, God created the world in six days and on the seventh day, He rested.

Tomorrow is our pomp and circumstance, the culmination of this eight-day celebration.  We are having our Hanukkah Party with all the good food, games and gifts.

"And by the seventh day God completed His work which He had done;

and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. 

Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it,

because in it He rested from all His work

which God had created and made."

Genesis 2:2

Candle #6

It's Christmas.  We're celebrating Jesus' birth.. and at the same time, we're celebrating the sixth day of Hanukkah, beginning in just a few hours at sundown.  After an hour of opening Christmas gifts, we still get to relax and look at the Hanukkah candles and open one more present.

Tonight's candle represents "creation".  How appropriate.  God created the world in six days... and we are on day six of Hanukkah.  Okay, I'm overdoing the significance.  You can make the rest of the tie-ins yourself.

"Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Thy name in all the earth,

who hast displayed Thy splendor above the heavens! 

When I consider Thy heavens, the work of Thy fingers,

the moon and the stars which

Thou hast ordained."

Psalm 8

Candle #5

On our fifth day of Hanukkah, which begins tonight at sundown, we are also celebrating Christmas Eve this year.  The candle, though, represents the "Grace of God."  After hearing about the judgment candle yesterday, God's grace is a welcome gift.

The Jews are seeking the Messiah.  They expect Him to conquer their oppressors and set up a kingdom.  I know that the Messiah has already come once, in Jesus.  During His first visit, he was our sacrificial lamb who saved us from our sins, if we believe on His Name.  He died on the cross and rose from the dead to make our redemption and salvation possible.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast."

Ephesians 2:8-9

Candle #4

And the fourth candle represents Judgment.

"But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who will render to every man according to his deeds."

Romans 2:5-6

Candle #3

Our third day of Hanukkah begins tonight at sundown when we will, again, light the candles.  This time, there will be three candles, plus our Shamesh, who has been serving us well.

Yesterday's candle reminded us that we need to be unified with each other.  Tonight's candle represents the unity of our Trinity.

"There is but one true and living God.  God is an infinite, all-knowing Spirit, perfect in all His attributes, one in essence, eternally existing in three Persons -- Father, Son and Holy Spirit" (MacArthur, J., MacArthur Quick Reference Guide to the Bible, W Publishing Group, 2001).

 "And after being baptized, Jesus went up immediately from the water;

and behold, the heavens were opened,

and he saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove,

and coming upon Him, and behold,

a voice out of the heavens, saying,

'This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased.'"

 Matthew 3:16-17

and

"I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, 

entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called,

with all humility and gentleness, with patience,

showing forbearance to one another in love,

being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

"There is one body and one spirit,

just as also you were called in one hope of your calling;

One Lord, one faith, one baptism,

 one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all.

Ephesians 4:1-6

Motherhood: The Greatest Job on Earth?

... or the easiest, according to my beloved husband (when he's not being his usually sensitive self)?

Can I just be honest for a second?  I know this is the "season of joy and peace" and all that other nice, cushy sentiment, but right smack dab in the middle of our celebratory week, I'm having a terrible day.  I know, how cheery of me.

It all began this morning.  The boys woke up at 6:30 to have breakfast with their Dad.  Now, before you start berating me about how that's such a wonderful time and your children all woke up at 3:00 a.m. all dewy-eyed and beautiful, that's not how my experience with motherhood began with the boys so I am still adjusting to this phenomenon. Besides, when they wake up that early, the rest of their schedule is off for the entire day and possibly even the next few days.  So, back off!

After my Beloved left for work, the boys started the cocophany of bickering and sniping back and forth, culminating with Jonah's peircing screams.  Of course, they were at the Christmas tree "touching" ornaments and discussing who would get to eat the candy canes.  Mama Bear came out from the den with her hair raised in terrifying proportions, growling that they better knock it off before she started knocking heads together.  So, they calmed down... in my dreams.

I decided to sit down in my recliner and supervise until I woke up.  Then the arguing and snatching started with their lego rocket/submarine/spaceships (yes, they are convertible transformer-type air/watercraft, which makes them especially coveted).  "Jeremiah, leave your brother's legos alone.  He can make it however he wants."  "But Mama, he's not doing it right.  Here.  I'll just show you."  **piercing screams**  "JEREMIAH!  LEAVE HIM ALONE!! It's NOT YOURS."  *Huff*

Okay, that minor catastrophe averted... for now.  Okay, boys.  I need to read my Bible.  Now, that's gotta impress them.  Mama is going to spend time with God and everything shall be as it is meant to be.

Ahhhhhh....

Hmmmm....

"Mama, Jooosh peeese"

Maybe if I don't answer him, he'll go away.  Oh crap, here's the other one.

"Yeah, Mama.  Can I have some juice, too, please?"

"Okay, fine.  Let's get some juice.  Once I sit back down, though, you're on your own.  Play nicely.  I get to read my Bible and spend time with God.  In peace.  Alone.  Got it?"

Okay, that's done.  Now, where was I?

"Mama, look!  Watch me!"

Ignore.

"Mama, did you see what I built?"

"Jeremiah... this is MY time with God.  Please just play."  "Jonah, stop touching the tree." "Get out of my room."  "Sit down! You just threw a block at your brother."  "Stop pinching him, he's on time-out."  "Just be quiet!!!  I'M TRYING TO READ MY FREAKING BIBLE!!!" (Yes, that last one was a word-for-word quote from mother dearest).

Now, if that just doesn't warm God's heart to hear me screaming at my children because I'm trying to read my Bible, I don't know what will.  What better example to show to my children than a mother who is cranky and irritable and screams because she's going to "spend time with God."

Might as well just throw in the Mommy-towel right now.

It didn't get much better from there, either.  My son lied to me... again.  What am I supposed to do?  Spank him?  Again?  I'm tired.  I'm a failure.  I don't know how to reach him.  They just are not getting along and are not listening to me (as though, that's something new).  I did what any other sane mother would do in that situation.  I cried.  I talked to my child and cried.

So, he cried.

I think he just felt bad that Mama was crying.  Does a 4-year-old really understand the seriousness of lying and how trust is now broken?  Maybe.  But, he has a sinful, rebellious heart that has not, yet, been touched by the Holy Spirit.  Oh, how I pray it does.  Soon.

Rather than fight the natural forces of sinful children, I did the only thing I could think of.

We watched tv.  All morning.  So there.



----  Almost lunchtime  ----

We're still watching tv.  The boys have been quiet.  Once incident when I went out to get the mail where Jonah was tempted by a talking snake and stole the candy cane off the tree and offered some to his brother.

When talking with a two-year-old about sin, be very careful how you phrase things.  I told Jonah that he stole my candy, that before he takes some, he has to ask.  So, he very sweetly (and stickily) asked me "Mama, tandy peeese??"

Jeremy called me about buying some eggs from a local farmer and told me that I'm not really a failure.  Can't tell you how much that lifted my spirits.

Now, I have to go.  Jonah has bonked his head for the 5th time this morning.  More crying.

My day of tears has only begun.

Candle #2

Last night was special. The boys are older and can appreciate lighting candles and, of course, opening presents. We’re still working, though, on appreciating new foods and not telling Mom that her food is "yucky and disgusting".

Tonight, is the second night of Hanukkah. The candle stands for "Unity".

Those of us who believe in God (and even those who say they don't) tend to limit God. We know, in our head, that all of His attributes are in perfect, harmonious balance but we invariably emphasize one of His traits or qualities over another. What do we call that? In Exodus 20:3, it says "You shall have no other gods before Me." When we redefine God into what we wish or choose to forget certain attributes, we are essentially creating a god in our own image. "We crudely patch together anecdotes and selected scriptures that reinforce his idea of the divine" (Grabbe, D.C., CGG Weekly, August 7, 2010).

The key to peace here on earth is to love and be unified with others. Philippians 2:2 says "make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose." We don't all have to think the same way. God knows we will have differing opinions and contrary personalities. He created us that way. But each of us is beautiful. We were created in His image and bear the responsibility to love and care for everyone (who is unlike ourselves) and recognize each person's God-given role in our universe.

"and I have made Thy name known to them,

and will make it known;

that the love wherewith Thou didst love Me may be in them,

and I in them."

John 17:26

Candle #1

Tonight (at sundown) begins the wonderful celebration of Hanukkah.  We have eight days of lighting candles and remembering the miracle God performed... but before I get ahead of myself, I'll start at the beginning.

Judea was part of Egypt until 200 BCE when King Antiochus III the Great of Syria defeated King Ptolemy V Epiphanes of Egypt. Judea became part of Syria and King Antiochus III the Great, wanting to conciliate his new Jewish subjects, guaranteed their right to "live according to their ancestral customs" and to continue to practice their religion in the Temple of Jerusalem. However in 175 BCE, Antiochus IV Epiphanes, the son of Antiochus III invaded Judea, ostensibly at the request of the sons of Tobias.

The Tobiads, who led the Hellenizing Jewish faction in Jerusalem, were expelled to Syria around 170 BCE when the high priest Onias and his pro-Egyptian faction wrested control from them. The exiled Tobiads lobbied Antiochus IV Epiphanes to recapture Jerusalem. 

When the second temple in Jerusalem was looted and services stopped, Judaism was outlawed.  In 167 BCE Antiochus ordered an altar to Zeus erected in the Temple. He banned circumcision and ordered pigs to be sacrificed at the altar of the temple. Antiochus's actions provoked a large-scale revolt.

Mattityahu, a Jewish priest, and his five sons led a rebellion against Antiochus. By 165 BCE the Jewish revolt against the Seleucid monarchy was successful. The Temple was liberated and rededicated.

The festival of Hanukkah was instituted to celebrate this event.  Judah, one of Mattityahu's sons, ordered the Temple to be cleansed, a new altar to be built in place of the polluted one and new holy vessels to be made. According to the Talmud, olive oil was needed for the menorah in the Temple, which was required to burn throughout the night every night. The story goes that there was only enough oil to burn for one day, yet it burned for eight days, the time needed to prepare a fresh supply of oil for the menorah. An eight day festival was declared by the Jewish sages to commemorate this miracle.

Many people see a menorah (seven candles), used in the Temple, and think of Hanukah.  But the one used for our yearly celebration is called a Hanukkiah and it holds nine candles.  Eight are in one level (one for each day of celebration) and one is either off-set or raised up, and it is the Shamesh ("Servant Candle") and is used to light the other candles.

Tonight we will be lighting the Shamesh and day 1 will commence our eight days of remembrance.

For this evening, we will be lighting our Hanukkah menorah as you see below and I will explain to my children that this first candle (not the Shamesh, which represents Jesus) stands for the "One True God".

 "Hear, O Israel!

The Lord is our God, the Lord is One!

And you shall love the Lord your God

with all your heart and with all your soul

and with all your might."

Deuteronomy 6:4-5

Imagination: Friend or Foe?

"Child-development experts are recognizing the importance of imagination and the role it plays in understanding reality. Imagination is necessary for learning about people and events we don't directly experience, such as history or events on the other side of the world. For young kids, it allows them to ponder the future, such as what they want to do when they grow up" (Wall Street Journal, 12/2009, http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204844504577100713531520358.html?mod=business_newsreel).

The article also states that children who are more creative and imaginative are able to solve problems with their imagination and have a greater social understanding and taking the perspective of others.

Yesterday, when talking to my oldest (who is 4 years old) about planets in our solar system and looking them up in the encyclopedia, he began relating to me the history of Star Blazers and how the planet Gamilon, a world beyond Earth's Solar System, declared war on all of Earth. The nations of Earth fought against the Gamilons, but one by one, Earth's fleets were defeated. When the nations of Earth refused to surrender, Gamilon began bombarding Earth with Planet Bombs.

I had to stop him because I realized he thought all that was true.  When I informed him that Star Blazers was a pretend story, he was stunned.  "Really?  Oh..... really??"  Thanks to his Daddy, he began watching Star Blazers at Nana and Poppy's house during our Thanksgiving trip.

My children have no lack of imagination, especially my oldest.  He is teaching my youngest how to have one as well.  They are constantly playing superheroes and, just this morning, were singing "Row Row Row Your Boat" while swaying together in a diaper box (which has also doubled for a fort).

Regardless of what "the scientists" say and their reasons for encouraging this development, I am pleased when my children show creativity.  It does cause raised eyebrows from some and a couple of socially interactive issues when my oldest goes to school, but in the end, I am certain he will be the one to come out on top with his being well-adjusted and pursuing whatever avenues in life he wishes.

Until next time, appreciate and encourage your children to be who they are.

The Season has Arrived

My intentions are pure and yet I am unable to keep up.  Life is so busy when entering the winter gauntlet of parties and dinners and hosting and presents.  We have already been to two parties and I have been shopping for our many nights of Hanukkah, plus Christmas (no, we don't do Kwanza) and keeping the boys from wrecking our tree.  I already caught them hiding out opening presents without permission.  Boy, did they get it. 

"If I catch you doing that again, I will return everything you opened!"

And they know I will.

My hope during this season is to not go crazy.  I have my goals and I would love to survive this time with as few scrapes as possible.  The difficulty is even in accomplishing grocery shopping, I have to brave the crowds.  I insist on 20 uninterrupted feet surrounding my person at all times.  But holiday shoppers are out and about even while I am food shopping.  Growling and hissing accompany the trip.  Everyone, usually very courteous, has grown horns and green monster-eyes and are cutting and weaving through the aisles.  Where are those police officers when you need them??

Until next time, give a smile to those harried holiday-shoppers.  They will need it.. and so will you.

A Week of Thanksgiving

Last week, we were in Pennsylvania celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas with my Beloved's family.  Yes, the trip there is always a bit strenuous because when you cramp two boys (it cannot be two girls, nor a mix) with limited toys and books with blankets, coats, hats mittens and pillows in a small-sized "family" car (which is what my Beloved had in mind when he purchased this abomination of a Saturn... not that all Saturns are abominations, of course) for 16+ hours, it is bound to get interesting.

This is the first year, since having children, that I feel like I actually relaxed and had an enjoyable time... the entire time.  My lack of ease had nothing to do with my in-laws (or, at least, very little), but moreso the lack of scheduling for naps and feeding is far more dire when dealing with children under 3 years old.  Now that my monsters are older, they coped much better... and so did I.

My favorite part (or one of the favorites) is talking with my mother-in-law.  How many women do you know that would actually call their spouse's mother to talk about his imperfections?  Hmmm... that's risky behavior.  And, yet, I am blessed enough to have someone who can divorce herself from the fact that she birthed and reared this man and can give me good, solid advice and counsel when dealing with his imperfections (the very few that there are).  During our week-long vacation, we always get some time to talk about life, raising children, marriage and family issues.  She is such an encouragement to me.

This trip, my boys got to go with Nana and Poppy all by themselves on an adventure to Chocolate World at Hershey Park.  Oh, boy.  They are still reminiscing about the singing cows and how much fun it was eating chocolate and getting matching soccerballs.  Talk about spoiling the boys!

After this wonderful week away, we had to pile back into the cartrap and endure another 16+ hours back home where I listened to my son continue asking (as he had all the way there), "Why does it take so long?"  But, he said he wants to go back to Nana and Poppy's next weekend, so the trip must not have been too terrible.

I am thankful:
-for my husband's family (and they are now my family)
-for my two monsters
-that my husband has promised to love me even when I am unlovely (there was some of that on our trip)
-that my sweet puppy was well-cared for while we were gone
-for the blessings of presents and things that make us happy (I have two hand-crafted, by my m-i-l, hanging flower baskets for my front porch)
-for our safety in traveling
-that we got to have breakfast at Cracker Barrel (normally we stop at a small diner with food that sits heavy in your stomach)

Well, I think I'm finished for today.

Until next time, continue your thankful attitude through Hanukkah and Christmas and any other holidays you have that make you crazy.

Thanksgiving Break

Crying, struggling, Mater truck noises, Peter and the Wolf over and over, no sleep, fast food.... 18 hours.

All that madness just to arrive at my in-laws for Thanksgiving.  But it is worth it.  Always.

Until next time, have a wonderful holiday with your friends and family.  See you on the other side.

Showing Love

"If I belittle those whom I am called to serve,

 talk of their weak points in contrast perhaps with what I think of as my strong points;

if I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting 'who made thee to differ?

and what hast thou that thou hast not received?'

then I know nothing of Calvary love."

--Amy Carmichael

Of course I've never done this... right, let's be honest.  I'm sure I could accuse myself of having a superior attitude because I'm not in the same position as others.  And also talked about people and their situations, not to belittle, but to puzzle over and analyze.  Of course, in my immature days there may have been some snooty comments to myself (since I really didn't have friends).  But who made me so special?  Why did I escape certain snares and consequences.  I am by no means a saint and yet I can say with certainty that God protected me from myself during a particular time in my life.

I was talking to my 4-year-old just this morning about consequences.  We were reading about Moses and the children of Israel and how they didn't believe that God would protect them when trying to enter the Promised Land.  Because they didn't believe, their consequence was not being allowed to enter and they had to wander in the wilderness until they died off.  Of course, my son made the jump that if we disobey, God will leave us.  Not exactly what I was trying to imply.

Regardless of my inept Mommy Moments, there is an understanding of our complete and utter humanity before God.  You are no better than me and I am no better than the homeless person down the street (actually, we don't have any homeless in our town; but that's beside the point).  We are all children of God and made in His image.  It doesn't matter what we do, we are all sinners and in need of His saving grace in our lives.

My son just started Awana and is learning some verses in his Cubbies book, grossly shortened but still makes the point. Romans 3:23 "All have sinned."  Who has sinned, Jeremiah?  YOU!  Yes, I have sinned... but have you sinned, too?  Yes.  What does "all" mean?  Everyone.  So... all people have sinned?  Yes.

Romans 5:8 "While we were sinners, Christ died for us."  Pretty explanatory, I suppose.  Since we're all guilty of sin, we understand that while we were still wallowing in it (our sin, that is), Christ died for us.  Okay... so why did He die?  From old age?  No.  Christ died because it says in Romans 6:23 That "the wages (price/cost) of sin is death."  Are we all going to have to pay for our own sin?  That's how it was meant to work.  Are we capable of paying for our sin? Yes... which is why there is a place called Hell where we would be separated from God forever.

The whole point of Christ's death was that He was a sinless payment.  He only had to shed His blood once in order to cover everyone's sin.  If we believe on Him, that he died for us and rose from the dead, we will be looked on as sinless also.  Standing before God on Judgment Day, God will not see us... but Jesus who stands before us and His sinlessness.  We are not worthy on our own... only worthy because of who has loved us and shed His blood for us.

Okay, that post took a turn... but I guess it needed to be said.

Until next time... look around you and see everyone (undesirables and desirables, alike) as God does... as sinners in need of a Savior, and treat them accordingly.  And share the good news, too!

Another Birthday Wish

My boy-child #2 was born two years ago today.  He is my baby.  My last one.  My blond-hair, blue-eyed ruckus-maker. He is sunshine and wrestle-mania rolled into one.

He tries his brother's patience by stealing markers and dumping out the crayons.  He gives Mama kisses and snuggles then tries to headbang her.  He chases Daddy around the house just because he likes to run (fast feet, little bugger!).  He loves to destroy the house as he walks through it, just swiping things off shelves and throwing things in the air.

He's my big boy.  I love you, Tootie!

Choices

That title is so vague, this could be about anything.  It was funny, though, because my son brought home a magazine from his teacher.  I guess, that in itself isn't that funny; but the fact that it is a parenting magazine made it more so.  And also the fact that his teacher is a young lady (yes, quite young), doesn't have children and isn't married made it just hilarious.  Some of the articles sound interesting, like -- just from the cover -- Toddler Agression (since my Jonah is right at that age) and The Truth About Lying (since we've been dealing with that in Jeremiah lately); but as I was flipping through the pages, some "expert advice" jumped out at me.

The picture immediately caught my eye because it is an explicit photo of a woman breastfeeding a child.  And right next to it in bolded capital letters it says "YOUR CHOICE".  Naturally, I jumped back to all the old feelings I had when I was pregnant with my first child, hearing all the advice and observing those quintissential mothers with 20 children (you know who I mean.. you know at least one) and always has one hanging on her wherever you see her.  Breast is best.  Well, duh.. of course I know that the way God made a woman would be the best way to feed her child rather than the processed foods provided by our government and large chain grocery stores.  But what a way to set a woman up.

In this article, the next thing that caught my eye is that it was written by a man.  Hahaha!  A man.  What the heck would he know.  I don't care that he's a doctor.  The last person I want assuring me that it's "okay to choose not to breastfeed my child" would be a man.  What does he know about the pecking order of women?  Does he understand the burning desire of a woman to do the "right thing" for her child?  And does he know of the feelings of ultimate failure when she can't deliver?  No, probably not.  Even if he were the most sensitive, empathetic man in the universe... he could not possibly understand what a hormonal, post-partum women feels in those situations.

This expert advice column was merely touting all the benefits breastmilk gives a newborn.  We already know all that stuff and then it has a couple of short paragraphs discussing why it might be difficult for a woman to breastfeed and her concern about not being able to bond with her child as a result.  But never fear, the man says it is still possible even "for those who choose to bottle feed".  Phew!  What a relief.

As a seasoned mother of two, I had a lot of anxiety about not producing milk and not "loving" to breastfeed.  I didn't like it.  I didn't want to do it.  Rather than being in pain with my child in my arms, I'd much rather throw the hated pump at the wall and be angry at "it" rather than my baby.  I had post-partum depression for the entire first year of my firstborn.  I was medicated for the first year of my second-born.  It can help.  But it certainly doesn't mean you're less of a woman or less of a mother for being stretched beyond yourself, being overwhelmed by everything going on in your house, not feeling able to leave without falling apart, or not producing that "life-giving milk that helps your children's immune systems and brain development".  I guess that is why my second child is a little more dense and sickly?  Sheesh.  I might as well hand in my mother card right now.

There is no wrong way.  I had to learn that after I became a mother.  You make choices.  You see the result.  If you don't like it, switch it up.  Then again, it may not change much.  :-)  Isn't that a relief?

Well, my children are causing ruckuses upstairs.  I guess it's because I didn't have enough milk to give them.  I better just fix the situation by throwing them in bed.

Until next time... consider all the ways you are valuable to your family.  Trust me, breastfeeding won't be one of the ways.

Compassionate Living

"If I have not compassion on my fellowservant, even as my Lord had pity on me, then I know nothing of Calvary love." --Amy Carmichael

Who is my fellowservant?  Is it like defining what Jesus meant when He said "love your neighbor"?  After looking up "fellow" in the concordance of my Bible, I see a link between all the places it refers to fellows... from servants to workers and citizens.  Fellow must mean everyone around me.  And, of course, servant probably means what it says.  People who serve.  Though, does it mean I have to include everyone, or just those I think are actually serving?  Okay, let's be exclusive and say that it is only within the church... your church.  It excludes all those other people who don't know Christ and His commandments to serve and even all those other churches you don't attend.  But what we have left is still quite a few people.

Do you always love and enjoy the people in your church?  Do you always agree?  Do you feel that they appreciate you?  Do you think they are doing the best they can for the Lord or are they just slacking?  Is there just that person who rubs you the wrong way and you just can't seem to bond?  And is it your place to judge?  There are so many people in the church.  Not all of them can be as kind and gentle, service-oriented and humble, nor have such a winning personality as myself.

With all I see (or judge), is my opinion valid?  Should I not have "my rights"?  It doesn't even necessarily have to be a sin issue, but, as we hear in the entertainment industry "Creative Differences".  I think the apostle Paul had the right attitude.  In 1 Corinthians 9, he is talking about serving all men in whatever state he finds them.  To the rich, poor, servant and master, Jews or gentiles, mature or immature, he has "become all things to all men."  Now, just so you know, this is not talking about service within the church, but ministry for the sake of preaching the gospel so others might be saved.  But I do believe that we can take that attitude and apply it within the church also because didn't we all used to be unsaved, too?  We are still the people we were, merely with the covering of God's grace in our lives.  We still have our sinful nature and sometimes we are not as holy in God's house as we ought to be.

It doesn't matter if someone looks down on me because I don't feel my calling is in teaching children's Sunday School.  I know my gifts and talents.  As long as I am using them for His glory, it doesn't matter what anyone else says to me.  If they say something offensive to me, I can forgive them.  Because I was also forgiven.  Are you going to allow one bad attitude to become a divisive influence in the church or are you going to sweetly let it go because in the grand scheme of God's plan for His bride, the church, it really doesn't matter a one bit whether you bake cakes or clean the church during the week.  God created each person to have a function.  Are you performing yours?

If you are living your life in a way that showcases God, glory in the fact that your fellow servant is doing the same and realize that you are both equals in the sight of Him who created you.  Let all the spiteful judgements go and keep doing  your best to live at peace with all.

Until next time, use your gifts.  Be content with how God made you.  And have compassion.

Sharing Sinful Secrets

Our computer crashed again.  The hard drives kicked us off because our version of XP decided that we need to register again... and since our code had been scraped off the bottom of my computer, we were unable to complete that transaction.  My mighty beloved utilized his skills of persuasion with Microsoft customer service--the best contradiction of terms ever because they don't service their customers--and convinced them he would be a huge pain because he planned on calling them repeatedly until they gave him a new code.  YEA, he succeeded. All that to say, being away from the computer for two days has been difficult... strange as it sounds, I actually missed being able to write.  It is a good outlet for me, apparently, and I plan to continue.

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"If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sins of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child's misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love." --Amy Carmichael

Now, I don't know about you, but having two children who daily misbehave and try the soul, it sometimes seems as though I am eager to explode and tell my beloved of their exploits the second he walks in the door at night.  Should I be this eager to unload myself and bare my boys' dirty laundry for public consumption, even if it is only to their father?

"Babe, Jeremiah teased his brother and he was disrespectful to me all day and then I had to run up and down the stairs a MILLION times during his nap because he refused to sleep."  Is it really necessary to have a running commentary from the entire day?  I certainly understand needing a father to be aware of his son's need for special training when it comes to treating his mother with respect and just giving that extra boost of fatherly encouragement, but how much should remain private especially when I, as the mother, have already dealt with the problem and presumably forgiven him for his sins?

I am guilty of this.  Terribly guilty.  When I have had my "H-E-double hockey-sticks" of a day, there is nothing better than being able to rid myself of that stress by sharing it all. But there also needs to be redemption for my son.  He does not deserve to have his sins dragged out after he's been told "I forgive you, I love you".  Privately speaking to my husband when the children have gone to bed maybe appropriate, but I must remember to consider my children first.  They are my fragile flowers.  They are beginning to bloom and if I put all the weight of their sins on their shoulders repeatedly after I've already, supposedly, forgiven them, they will, first, begin to not trust me and second, and most importantly, think that God continually holds their sins against them and will not forget them either.

How do you wish your children to see God?  I will tell you a secret... how you treat them is how they view God.  If you are unforgiving and angry about their sin, they will see God as unloving and mean and hateful.  If you forgive them and help them learn to talk to God after their sin and ask forgiveness of Him as well, they will begin to see that God forgives when they ask.

Please, Mothers, forgive your children and never bring it up (in front) to them again.  Forgive and love... show them the mercy God shows you.  I will also be striving toward that goal.  My children deserve it and so does God (since I am grossly misrepresenting His character when I disobey).

Until next time, love your children and give them all extra snuggles.

Later in the day...

Since writing about the plans I had for my day to celebrate my beloved's birthday, I must confess that as fuzzy as it all sounded it immediately went south for winter.  Oh, I don't mean my plans changed, rather my attitude.  Just after pressing "Publish Post", my voice changed into the dulcet tones of a banshee.  For those of you who don't know, a banshee, as defined by our dear Webster, is a female (that portion applies) spirit (not so much) in Gaelic folklore whose wailing (there was some of that) warns a family that one of them (focused primarily on my son, Jeremiah) will die soon.  Actually, I wasn't doing so much of wailing, but screaming in earnest that something better change or, in the words of my beloved's mother, "There will be a death in the family."

I mean, seriously, it is snowing outside and it is breezing cold (yes, "breezing" was meant to imply another adjective) and he is refusing to wear his hat.  I finally said, in a fit of temper, "FINE! DON'T WEAR IT," and I snatched it off his head.  Then, of course, his brain twitched and said "Wait, I WANT my hat... don't take it away from me"... a perfect example of reverse psychology, but unfortunately that hadn't been my intent since I'm really not that intelligent when I'm angry.  So I keep taking it back from him and saying he can't have it and I finally stomp out of the house (very gracefully) and slam the door (angelically) saying he gets to stay home alone.

I know, I know... you don't have to tell me that it is illegal to keep a 4-year-old home in the kennel with the dog unsupervised (like I actually keep him in the kennel supervised??) or even that it is a mean-spirited action to make a child think you'll leave him behind.  But can't I act like a child every now and then?  Okay, fine.. I know I shouldn't; but it is so tempting when all I get is whining about how he doesn't want to wear a hat and then as soon as I give him what he wants, he wants what he can't have.

We did reconcile.  He chased me out of the house and I explained (calmly, this time) that he needs to trust me, because wasn't the hat a good idea after all?  I'm not about to make him do something that isn't good for him.. I only want to take care of him because he's my boy.

"How much more will your Father who is in heaven  give good things to those who ask Him?" (Matt. 7:11b)

A Birthday Wish

Thirty-six years ago today, my beloved was born.  Yes, I am calling him "beloved" because I do very much love him, though it is out of character for me to be so *eyeroll* explicit and 'dovey' about it.. and also to keep his anonymity as much as possible in this public forum.

This auspicious day got me thinking about his mother and some of the experiences she had as a young mother.  Granted, her situation was quite different from mine; but the principles apply.  First of all, she was 17 and unmarried when she got pregnant.  It was, I'm sure, quite stressful to be newly married and a new mother in the same year... and then to get pregnant immediately (or close enough) after her firstborn's birth and have a second child 11 months after the first.  All that would certainly make me want to throw in the towel.

Okay, I was rambling and lost track of where I was going... get used to it.

Anyway, my beloved is a man.  A man's man... okay, not quite; but he certainly enjoys exhibiting personas.  When we met, he was in a cowboy craze (umm, yeah, ankle-high boots-- I know, ugh, right?-- black jeans, black hat--yes, he actually had an authentic floppy cowboy hat-- and anke-length black leather trench coat).  Thank goodness, out of that entire costume, all he has left is his leather coat, which is, quite frankly very handy in our hard Wisconsin winters.

Since we married (five years, eight months, five days, 20 hours ago), though, I have had the privilege to observe him in all aspects of life.. well, maybe not all, but most.  He strives to be patient (he is "allergic to stupid"), kind, loving, sensitive and is always working to better the quality of our lives.  He is a godly man whom I have had the pleasure of being tied to for better or worse.  Our life is usually "better"... so far.

Well, if I am going to perform my wifely duties today of all days (now, don't have a dirty mind) of preparing a chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting and wrapping presents and putting up purple streamers (sorry, only color we have), then I need to run.  We've got a busy day ahead.

Until next time... think of one way to bless the main person in your life today.. and ENJOY!

"If" by Amy Carmichael (published in 1938 by SPCK, London)

Back in junior high, I was introduced to this dynamic woman.. long dead, but still so relevant and needful in aiming toward my goal, that is, to be a godly woman and to always keep my mind on heaven and strive to show God's amazing love to those around me.

Amy wrote a book called "If" and I received a copy as a Christmas present over 15 years ago and I still have it.  Being nostalgic, I took it off my dusty shelf to see if I could find the same conviction in these pages as I did when I was 17.

Here is the introduction:

"There are times when something comes into our lives which is charged with love in such a way that it seems to open the Eternal to us for a moment, or at least some of the Eternal Things, and the greatest of these is love.

It may be a small and intimate touch upon us or our affairs, light as the touch of the dawnwind on the leaves of the tree, something not to be captured and told to another in words.  But we know that it is our Lord.  And then perhaps the room where we are, with its furniture and books and flowers, seems less "present" than His Presence, and the heart is drawn into that sweetness of which the old hymn sings.

The love of Jesus, what it is

None but His loved ones know.

Or it is the dear human love about us that bathes us as in summer seas and rests us through and through.  Can we ever cease to wonder at the love of our companions?  And then suddenly we recognize our Lord in them.  It is His love that they lavish upon us.  O Love of God made manifest in Thy lovers, we worship Thee.

Or (not often, perhaps, for the dimness seems to be more wholesome for us here, but sometimes, because our Lord is very merciful) it is given to us to look up through the blue air and see the love of God.  And yet, after all, how little we see! "That ye may be able to comprehend what is the breadth and length and depth and height and to know the love of Christ which passeth knowledge"--the words are too great for us.  What do we comprehend, what do we know? Confounded and abased, we enter into the Rock and hide us in the dust before the glory of the Majesty of love--the love whose symbol is the cross.

And a question pierces then: What do I know of Calvary love?"

The inspiration of this book came when one of Amy's fellow workers brought a problem about a younger person who was "missing the way of Love." Initially, it brought self-reflection on her own heart, "Lord, is it I? Have I failed her anywhere?  What do I know of Calvary Love?" Hence, the "ifs" came, as if spoken in the inward ear.  These "ifs" are related to pride, selfishness, and cowardice, but also digs deeper to the soul's knowledge of the love God shown at Calvary.

Extraordinary Women

This past weekend I went to Illinois to attend a conference by Extraordinary Women.  It has been over 2 years since I last left my family (now consisting of two boy-children and husband and Opie, the beagle puppy) to get "space", "Me Time" and regain perspective on my plight as a stay-at-home mom who homeschools, teaches piano, has piles of clean laundry for months that never gets folded and is always striving to do better.

This type of conference is really not my preference.  It was held at a stadium and felt so sterile and commercialized that it was difficult to enjoy or relax.  Part of the reason I don't appreciate such large venues is that I have had trouble, in my past, with agoraphobia and severe anxiety in large crowds.  It didn't seem to matter how much space I allowed for myself, having a pocket of emptiness... women kept bumping me with their hips.  It confused me that they had at least 10 feet on either side of me and they HAD to touch me in the process of whatever they were trying to accomplish. 

--"Back off, lady!"  So, I'm the round, dumpy lady wearing jeans that drag on the ground and a pumpkin orange-and-white striped sweater glaring at women standing too closely.--

Alright, back to my lofty thoughts.  The weekend was profitable, however uncomfortable it was in the moment.

A couple of the speakers were certainly well worth hearing... Elisa Morgan and Ann Voskamp (author of One Thousand Blessings), specifically, as well as being able to collect a couple of resources by Sheri Rose Shepherd about raising boys.  Since I have two sons (alternately Spiderman, Batman, Superman or any other kind of MAN), she had a refreshing book about God's little warriors that covers some basic life situations that my 4-year old is encountering now that he has a social life at school.  It also has prayers for each section which will allow him to become more comfortable and familiar with praying about anything and everything (another concern of mine).  The other book was about Raising Future Husbands (or some similar title).  I am waiting for it to come in the mail... so when I get it, we will have a book review.

All in all, not a complete waste of time; but I still prefer smaller women's conferences where you actually open your Bible and study.

Until next time, be a woman of prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING!