I have struggled getting back into my writing groove since the holidays. So much tends to keep me preoccupied with other things... like life. Homeschooling my children, grocery shopping, budgeting and seeing how much money I can't spend.
It was a little disconcerting this morning. I went to the store with my two helpers and I had a list of items I "had" to get for food and was under orders by my Beloved to spend no more than $50. I thought No problem. My list isnt' that long. The thing is... I failed to think of how many of each item I was going to purchase. After buying three orange juices (since my boys guzzle it down so quickly), two cereals, two canned mushrooms, a bag of chocolate chips (for those cookies we're going to make), two bags of Doritos, two packages of butter, salad dressing, two loaves of bread and some fishy crackers for the boys, I had used up all my allotted money.
I had picked out some yarn for the new afghan I wanted to make (three skeins at $2.88 each) and a booklet of some patterns since I'm still new to the world of crotcheting and need some help. I put those back since they weren't part of my necessities.
But then, I realized Jonah was still holding onto the bag of 4 apples he had picked out. He is on an apple craze. My money was run out. I promised my Beloved that I wouldn't go over $50. I already used the $10 in cash that I got from selling an item on Craigslist just that morning on a birthday present.
I couldn't take those apples away from Jonah. He was so excited while picking them out. He sniffed and kissed each one before putting them in the bag.
Since I had already paid for everything by the time I found out about those apples, I can't believe I seriously thought about just "forgetting" they were there and walking out of the store with them. I can't do that! I'm supposed to be a Christian. But I DO NOT want to take them away from my child. He deserves to have his apples.
I went to the woman who oversees all the "self checkout" items and told her about my oversight on the apples. I told her that maybe I could pay for them with the change in my wallet. Two quarters, several dimes, and about ten pennies. Maybe a nickel was thrown in there for good measure. All four apples rang up as only $1.88. Whooo! I should be able to afford that. Right? After counting up my change ("Sorry, Jeremiah. You won't be getting your allowance this week"), I had a little over one dollar. I asked her to take out two of those smelled and kissed apples, and I had just enough to cover it.
I HATE MONEY. All it does is show you what you're not able to afford, even when it is a good thing for your child. Jeremiah saw the yarn he helped me pick out discarded on the table beside the checkout counter and asked me why I wasn't getting it. Trying to explain... Food is way more important than buying yarn.
I don't have a moral to this story. This is my heartache right now. Maybe I'm just being too emotional for other reasons. I have never had to count pennies and take something out of my cart before. This isn't about my ego or pride. The only thing I want (and I know it is the same desire of my Beloved) is to provide for my family all the good and healthy and fun things in life. It shouldn't be this difficult.
Reminder: God will provide all we need.
I guess we only needed two apples today. And we will get more of what we need tomorrow. And the day after that. For all the days of our life.
Until next time, remember that God loves you and is always near.
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