Does He Really Care about Apples?

I have struggled getting back into my writing groove since the holidays.  So much tends to keep me preoccupied with other things... like life.  Homeschooling my children, grocery shopping, budgeting and seeing how much money I can't spend.

It was a little disconcerting this morning.  I went to the store with my two helpers and I had a list of items I "had" to get for food and was under orders by my Beloved to spend no more than $50.  I thought No problem.  My list isnt' that long.  The thing is... I failed to think of how many of each item I was going to purchase.  After buying three orange juices (since my boys guzzle it down so quickly), two cereals, two canned mushrooms, a bag of chocolate chips (for those cookies we're going to make), two bags of Doritos, two packages of butter, salad dressing, two loaves of bread and some fishy crackers for the boys, I had used up all my allotted money.

I had picked out some yarn for the new afghan I wanted to make (three skeins at $2.88 each) and a booklet of some patterns since I'm still new to the world of crotcheting and need some help.  I put those back since they weren't part of my necessities.

But then, I realized Jonah was still holding onto the bag of 4 apples he had picked out.  He is on an apple craze.  My money was run out.  I promised my Beloved that I wouldn't go over $50.  I already used the $10 in cash that I got from selling an item on Craigslist just that morning on a birthday present.

I couldn't take those apples away from Jonah.  He was so excited while picking them out.  He sniffed and kissed each one before putting them in the bag.

Since I had already paid for everything by the time I found out about those apples, I can't believe I seriously thought about just "forgetting" they were there and walking out of the store with them.  I can't do that!  I'm supposed to be a Christian.  But I DO NOT want to take them away from my child.  He deserves to have his apples.

I went to the woman who oversees all the "self checkout" items and told her about my oversight on the apples.  I told her that maybe I could pay for them with the change in my wallet.  Two quarters, several dimes, and about ten pennies.  Maybe a nickel was thrown in there for good measure.  All four apples rang up as only $1.88.  Whooo!  I should be able to afford that.  Right?  After counting up my change ("Sorry, Jeremiah.  You won't be getting your allowance this week"), I had a little over one dollar.  I asked her to take out two of those smelled and kissed apples, and I had just enough to cover it.

I HATE MONEY.  All it does is show you what you're not able to afford, even when it is a good thing for  your child.  Jeremiah saw the yarn he helped me pick out discarded on the table beside the checkout counter and asked me why I wasn't getting it.  Trying to explain... Food is way more important than buying yarn.

I don't have a moral to this story.  This is my heartache right now.  Maybe I'm just being too emotional for other reasons.  I have never had to count pennies and take something out of my cart before.  This isn't about my ego or pride.  The only thing I want (and I know it is the same desire of my Beloved) is to provide for my family all the good and healthy and fun things in life.  It shouldn't be this difficult.

Reminder:  God will provide all we need.

I guess we only needed two apples today.  And we will get more of what we need tomorrow.  And the day after that.  For all the days of our life.

Until next time, remember that God loves you and is always near.

Preparing Him for the Other Woman by Sheri Rose Shepherd

While I was pregnant, after being married to my Beloved for six months (and only having known him for six months prior to that), I realized I wasn't ready to be a mother.  Well, actually, I knew that before I got pregnant, but that is part of what happens when you compromise during marriage.  I couldn't pray for a certain gender, I could only pray I wouldn't mess up my child.  I knew, from experience, the power a mother has on her children... especially a mother who stays at home full-time and homeschools.

The first several months after my son was born were extremely difficult.  I was struggling through post-partum depression without the help of medication.  I couldn't bond with my child.  There was nothing about motherhood that pleased me.  I didn't like breastfeeding.  I wasn't getting any sleep.  I couldn't understand why all the other mothers I saw and spoke to expressed joy about this "job" of being a mother.

Then my son started smiling when he saw me.  He started talking to me.  He wanted to play games.  He preferred me to his Daddy.  Only I could get him to stop crying and comfort him.  He was the quintessential Mama's boy (and still is).

Then I got pregnant again.  I fervently prayed for another boy.  I knew two boys could only quadruple the fun I was having with Jeremiah.  But Jonah... my sweet Jonah.  He is the opposite of his brother.  He is rough and tumble, wrestle and yell, Daddy's boy all the way.  He has just begun to realize, though, the importance of Mommy and is giving kisses and hugs now.

This just shows the importance of a mother's role in the lives of her children.  The way my husband treats me is indicative of how his parents raised him.  How I raise my boys is how they will treat their wives and children, also.  Everything is passed down.

My oldest son (as I am sure every mother has experienced) asked me if I could marry him.  I told him that, unfortunately, I couldn't since I was already married to his Daddy.  I explained that when he got older, he would find a nice girl that he loved and he would get to marry her and have his own house and children with her.  But when I saw his eyes tearing up and his lip trembling, I quickly added that it wouldn't happen for a really long time and only when he was ready.

Oh, the tender hearts of our boys.  They aren't men, yet.  We are training them up to be men.  Courageous and strong.  Adventurous and bold.  But also tenderhearted and loving.

How do we teach them all these important characteristics?

The book I have been reading by Sheri Rose Shepherd called "Preparing Him for the Other Woman" gives a lot of suggestions on how to build character and prepare them for marriage.

The introduction explains the commodity of men fighting for their families.  The epidemic of divorce in our society only proves that people (men and women, both) do not know the meaning of "till death do us part".  They have not been taught how to work together and MAKE their marriage work.  How to compromise.  How to understand and communicate with their spouse.

We need to teach our boys what a "real man" is.  In a world where boys grow up having a relationship with their video games, ipods, televisions and computers... where does family come in?  Even pornography is no longer such a dirty secret that embroils shame.  It is a coming of age ritual and entertainment.

Our boys need to have a role model (preferably, their fathers) that stands against immorality and infidelity.  Someone who will live a godly, self-controled life who is a strong and loving leader.

There is more to come in this excellent book.

Until next time, pray for your sons.  Pray that you and your husband (or another role model) will provide  your son with a good example.

The End of 2011

When reaching the end of the year, people usually reflect on the past and look forward and create resolutions for their future.  As I look back, I remember several deaths, sicknesses, acts of God, political upheaval (RECALL WALKER), not to mention the list in my personal life.  Our world is falling apart.  No, I'm not an alarmist.  I am merely watching our world collapse from the inside out.  The structure on which our country was founded is no longer active (in a perfect world, it would be ideal... but it is no longer practical with millions of people) and our leadership is corrupt and destroying our alliance with the one country that is important... Israel.

Before I get into doomsaying, there is one thing of which I am absolutely certain: our world will not get better.  It is the end, so prepare yourself.  I guess that would be considered doomsaying; but it is true.  Our country has made some decisions that are now irreversible.  Our economy is failing and is in such a death-spiral that it is not recoverable.  The choices all of us ("we the people") are making in leadership and living are corrupting everything, from sickness to general life.  We are not going to be the richest, most prosperous "free" country in the world for much longer.


My Precious Gifts

But, to look ahead in the next year (and future years to come)... for me, I see my family.  I see two precious little boys who are growing up so fast.  They need structure and strong teaching to mold their minds and hearts to be courageous in the times to come.  I want my boys to be men who lead and stand for Truth and righteous living.  My role, as their mother, is so important because they see me everyday, all day.  They listen and watch.  I am their model for life and attitudes.  Their father is just as important, but he isn't present all day long. 

I am going to teach my sons how to respect and love their wives and lead their families to serve God.  I am going to show my sons strong work ethic and teach them how to be diligent in whatever task they have set before them.  I am going to encourage my sons to see the weaker person and find the compassion to help in whatever way they can, to not neglect the widow and the orphan.  I am going to teach my sons to stand strong for what is right, even if it is not the popular choice and they lose friends in the process.

Mothers have such an important role.  Where else will they learn everything they need to know for their own lives: school, daycare, babysitters?  I don't think so.  No one cares for your children like you do.  Take the time and effort to train your children in the way that desperately needs to be done, especially in these scary times of uncertainty and nearing the end of the age.

Until next time, hold your children tight and teach them what only you are able to teach.  Teaching them to be responsible, loving, respectful adults... and that Mom loves them the most!

Motherhood: The Greatest Job on Earth?

... or the easiest, according to my beloved husband (when he's not being his usually sensitive self)?

Can I just be honest for a second?  I know this is the "season of joy and peace" and all that other nice, cushy sentiment, but right smack dab in the middle of our celebratory week, I'm having a terrible day.  I know, how cheery of me.

It all began this morning.  The boys woke up at 6:30 to have breakfast with their Dad.  Now, before you start berating me about how that's such a wonderful time and your children all woke up at 3:00 a.m. all dewy-eyed and beautiful, that's not how my experience with motherhood began with the boys so I am still adjusting to this phenomenon. Besides, when they wake up that early, the rest of their schedule is off for the entire day and possibly even the next few days.  So, back off!

After my Beloved left for work, the boys started the cocophany of bickering and sniping back and forth, culminating with Jonah's peircing screams.  Of course, they were at the Christmas tree "touching" ornaments and discussing who would get to eat the candy canes.  Mama Bear came out from the den with her hair raised in terrifying proportions, growling that they better knock it off before she started knocking heads together.  So, they calmed down... in my dreams.

I decided to sit down in my recliner and supervise until I woke up.  Then the arguing and snatching started with their lego rocket/submarine/spaceships (yes, they are convertible transformer-type air/watercraft, which makes them especially coveted).  "Jeremiah, leave your brother's legos alone.  He can make it however he wants."  "But Mama, he's not doing it right.  Here.  I'll just show you."  **piercing screams**  "JEREMIAH!  LEAVE HIM ALONE!! It's NOT YOURS."  *Huff*

Okay, that minor catastrophe averted... for now.  Okay, boys.  I need to read my Bible.  Now, that's gotta impress them.  Mama is going to spend time with God and everything shall be as it is meant to be.

Ahhhhhh....

Hmmmm....

"Mama, Jooosh peeese"

Maybe if I don't answer him, he'll go away.  Oh crap, here's the other one.

"Yeah, Mama.  Can I have some juice, too, please?"

"Okay, fine.  Let's get some juice.  Once I sit back down, though, you're on your own.  Play nicely.  I get to read my Bible and spend time with God.  In peace.  Alone.  Got it?"

Okay, that's done.  Now, where was I?

"Mama, look!  Watch me!"

Ignore.

"Mama, did you see what I built?"

"Jeremiah... this is MY time with God.  Please just play."  "Jonah, stop touching the tree." "Get out of my room."  "Sit down! You just threw a block at your brother."  "Stop pinching him, he's on time-out."  "Just be quiet!!!  I'M TRYING TO READ MY FREAKING BIBLE!!!" (Yes, that last one was a word-for-word quote from mother dearest).

Now, if that just doesn't warm God's heart to hear me screaming at my children because I'm trying to read my Bible, I don't know what will.  What better example to show to my children than a mother who is cranky and irritable and screams because she's going to "spend time with God."

Might as well just throw in the Mommy-towel right now.

It didn't get much better from there, either.  My son lied to me... again.  What am I supposed to do?  Spank him?  Again?  I'm tired.  I'm a failure.  I don't know how to reach him.  They just are not getting along and are not listening to me (as though, that's something new).  I did what any other sane mother would do in that situation.  I cried.  I talked to my child and cried.

So, he cried.

I think he just felt bad that Mama was crying.  Does a 4-year-old really understand the seriousness of lying and how trust is now broken?  Maybe.  But, he has a sinful, rebellious heart that has not, yet, been touched by the Holy Spirit.  Oh, how I pray it does.  Soon.

Rather than fight the natural forces of sinful children, I did the only thing I could think of.

We watched tv.  All morning.  So there.



----  Almost lunchtime  ----

We're still watching tv.  The boys have been quiet.  Once incident when I went out to get the mail where Jonah was tempted by a talking snake and stole the candy cane off the tree and offered some to his brother.

When talking with a two-year-old about sin, be very careful how you phrase things.  I told Jonah that he stole my candy, that before he takes some, he has to ask.  So, he very sweetly (and stickily) asked me "Mama, tandy peeese??"

Jeremy called me about buying some eggs from a local farmer and told me that I'm not really a failure.  Can't tell you how much that lifted my spirits.

Now, I have to go.  Jonah has bonked his head for the 5th time this morning.  More crying.

My day of tears has only begun.

Choices

That title is so vague, this could be about anything.  It was funny, though, because my son brought home a magazine from his teacher.  I guess, that in itself isn't that funny; but the fact that it is a parenting magazine made it more so.  And also the fact that his teacher is a young lady (yes, quite young), doesn't have children and isn't married made it just hilarious.  Some of the articles sound interesting, like -- just from the cover -- Toddler Agression (since my Jonah is right at that age) and The Truth About Lying (since we've been dealing with that in Jeremiah lately); but as I was flipping through the pages, some "expert advice" jumped out at me.

The picture immediately caught my eye because it is an explicit photo of a woman breastfeeding a child.  And right next to it in bolded capital letters it says "YOUR CHOICE".  Naturally, I jumped back to all the old feelings I had when I was pregnant with my first child, hearing all the advice and observing those quintissential mothers with 20 children (you know who I mean.. you know at least one) and always has one hanging on her wherever you see her.  Breast is best.  Well, duh.. of course I know that the way God made a woman would be the best way to feed her child rather than the processed foods provided by our government and large chain grocery stores.  But what a way to set a woman up.

In this article, the next thing that caught my eye is that it was written by a man.  Hahaha!  A man.  What the heck would he know.  I don't care that he's a doctor.  The last person I want assuring me that it's "okay to choose not to breastfeed my child" would be a man.  What does he know about the pecking order of women?  Does he understand the burning desire of a woman to do the "right thing" for her child?  And does he know of the feelings of ultimate failure when she can't deliver?  No, probably not.  Even if he were the most sensitive, empathetic man in the universe... he could not possibly understand what a hormonal, post-partum women feels in those situations.

This expert advice column was merely touting all the benefits breastmilk gives a newborn.  We already know all that stuff and then it has a couple of short paragraphs discussing why it might be difficult for a woman to breastfeed and her concern about not being able to bond with her child as a result.  But never fear, the man says it is still possible even "for those who choose to bottle feed".  Phew!  What a relief.

As a seasoned mother of two, I had a lot of anxiety about not producing milk and not "loving" to breastfeed.  I didn't like it.  I didn't want to do it.  Rather than being in pain with my child in my arms, I'd much rather throw the hated pump at the wall and be angry at "it" rather than my baby.  I had post-partum depression for the entire first year of my firstborn.  I was medicated for the first year of my second-born.  It can help.  But it certainly doesn't mean you're less of a woman or less of a mother for being stretched beyond yourself, being overwhelmed by everything going on in your house, not feeling able to leave without falling apart, or not producing that "life-giving milk that helps your children's immune systems and brain development".  I guess that is why my second child is a little more dense and sickly?  Sheesh.  I might as well hand in my mother card right now.

There is no wrong way.  I had to learn that after I became a mother.  You make choices.  You see the result.  If you don't like it, switch it up.  Then again, it may not change much.  :-)  Isn't that a relief?

Well, my children are causing ruckuses upstairs.  I guess it's because I didn't have enough milk to give them.  I better just fix the situation by throwing them in bed.

Until next time... consider all the ways you are valuable to your family.  Trust me, breastfeeding won't be one of the ways.